How to get a human when calling customer service

How sad is it that we need a website like this?

Some of the newer voice activated automated help lines aren’t as bad- the voice is pleasant and you can actually get things done without a lot of button mashing. However, sometimes I need to talk to a human being- one with critical thinking skills. Now, there’s no guaruntee the person who answers after I mash “0” repeatedly can 1. help me, or 2. has critical thinking skills, but there’s at least a chance!