My Minnesota Roller Girls Experience

I went to the Minnesota Roller Girls season opener tonight at “The Roy.”

I was joined by my friend Melody and her son Caleb (kids under 9 are free) which was fun. I met them by Station 4 and we walked though beautiful downtown St. Paul to the venue. I have to say, as far as downtowns go, St. Paul beats Minneapolis hands down.

The event was pretty much what I expected, although there was a ton of people there- more than I expected. The oval course was marked with ‘light rope’ taped to the cement floor (straight up spancrete). Those spills and falls must have really hurt (several girls had ice packs after the bouts).

The four teams did two fourteen minute bouts, each consisting of several two minute jams. There were two announcer guys who (at times) were entertain and (at times) annoying. The one guy was really good at saying “And… we’re… jamming!”

Jams are when one of the jammers (each team has one) has broken through the pack and is trying to score points by lapping the pack and breaking through again and again (it’s harder than it sounds) as there are blockers and pivots that are trying to keep the other teams jammer back while helping out their jammer. Lots of pushing, ramming, tripping and pile ups result. Occasionally a fight breaks out and the ‘penalty wheel’ is spun. You really need to see it to understand. The first half was a bit confusing and hard to follow but the second half was more fun and I could actually tell some of the girls apart and cheer them on. The beer I had at halftime definitely helped 😉

The after party was at Station 4. $2 PBR tall boys were flying off the shelves (Pabst Blue Ribbon is a sponsor of the Roller Girls). I had a brat and a Paulaner Octoberfest in a commemorative mug (it’s a nice mug) that I wasn’t able to finish (I rarely finish a beer, just ask Mark). I ended up toting around the empty mug for the rest of the night, but hey, free mug 😉

Mel sang the teapot song to win a Gorrillaz CD from Drive 105 (who was encroaching on 89.3 turf- The Current is an official sponsor, Drive 105 is not).

I was wearing my “I’m blogging this” shirt (prophetic?) and some fat drunk dude saw it and exclaimed “You ain’t blogging this b****!” Consider it blogged, my overweight intoxicated friend.

My friend Joe was there (he’s a ref for the roller girls). Melody was there as well (Caleb was at home at this point). Joe introduced us to some of the girls and refs — they are regular people outside the event and all the girls are friends which is cool to see. At some point late into the night (actually early into the morning) Joe went on another round of the bar to see friends leaving Mel and I hanging out at the bar.

This is where it gets really weird (as if girls in fishnets beating the crap out of each other on roller skates isn’t odd enough).

At this point, a guy who is obviously very drunk saunters over and he and his buddy (wingman?) kind of trap Mel at the bar. He starts talking to Melody saying all kinds of crazy stuff.

A few things that were mentioned by the drunk dude:
1. That I (Nick) am beautiful (mentioned several times)
2. How nice my hair is (complete with touching and an “ooh”)
3. How Mel and I are meant to be together
4. How the guy across the bar (the one with like 8 teeth) is an a**hole (at which point he started flicking lit matches at us)
5. How small certain parts of the guy across the bar’s anatomy is
6. How large certain parts of my anatomy are
7. How many kids the guy across the bar has

At one point in between blushing and laughing at the absurdity of it all, Mel mouthed “Help Me” … and I started to move in and let the guy know to back off. I’m not an imposing person so it didn’t really work that well.

And the final straw…. the point at which I grabbed Melody’s hand an high tailed it out of there…

That I (Nick) have beautiful “F*** Me” eyes.

True story.

Apparently this guy had harassed some of the roller girls as well and when we left he was working on another couple at the bar.

Perhaps he thinks he some kind of cupid when he gets drunk enough?

Anyways, if you’re ever at Station 4, watch out for a guy with a long blonde pony tail and a blonde friend with funky teeth.

The next roller girls event is October 14th. See you there? 😉


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